as if… in the first place

welp, once again, it has indeed been a while!!!! i can’t seem to ever remember my password… so it always takes me a while. i’m in knoxville now!!!! its been exactly a month… 2 days ago, and i’m just now kinda getting adjusted, not that it was ever bad… just needed some adjusting i suppose. something Gods been teaching me the past couple years is that where he takes me isn’t necesarrily about mee and what i’ll be when i get there. like, with school in gallatin He was showing me that it wasn’t about my art classes and learning all this “stuff” but about the people He would have for me there to love, with His divine love. so getting here was a real struggle cause i didn’t feel like i’ve been doing anything for Him as far as that goes and i just really started wondering why in the world am i here!!!! and i just kinda came to this thought like… right now because school hasan’t ever really been hard for me at all, and here its like, CRAZY hard and time consuming, so is been what i’m consumed with instead of people like i was… but then i wonder if its really different from my emphasis put on people at school last year… or the emphasis put on people at camp this summer, cause i had nothing to do BUT love people this summer, so it could just be an adjustment from that, but also, God does want me to be at school here to learn so that i can learn to better the quality of life for people by creating their environment. like, before i got here i really wasn’t sure about interior design and if it was really gonna have an impact on people…. cause i never thought of design as being life changing or gratifying or anything like that…. but in my interior design classes we talk SO MUCH about people and how they think and how the environment they’re surrounded by has soooo much to do with their life!!!!!!! that is very exciting!!!! like, i’ll get to surround people with beauty and what they love and make it into something that effects them every DAY!! thats amazing. and i’ve been thinking the past few days if, since theres all this psychology involved… and Gods the one who created us as complex as we are and He knows exactly how we work and think and all that stuff that we think we have all figured out…. like, what if theres a way to design an environment to point people to Him - back to their creator who created those things in them that they love so that they could be surrounded by them and giving me the opportunity to be at this school and learn these things so that i can help them be surrounded by those things…. hmmm.. that would be amazing. and like, this is the first time i’ve really realized that, that He does have me here to truly learn these things so that i can do that, and i came to this realization mainy by a conversation i had with alana the other night…. it just takes me a few days to let things sink in i guess. i have to chew on it for a while, but even thought i’ve realized that, He’s also shown me today that i’m totally here for the people right now - here, today - because thats what matters. right now. i was talking to a friend about church and it just went into a way deep conversation, but this is what i was thinking about when i called this “haven” cause i’m realizing how camp truly is mine. being there this weekend was amazing. i can’t even describe that, but just knowing that its not the way the world is, the whole world doesn’t know these mysteried of christ and see their beauty. its completely blind to any of it. i think a lot of times all the see is hard edges and jagged lines that, if they touched them, would pierce them deeply. its so clouded. if you would, please pray for the people God has already put in my life. i love them and i want so badly for them to see the beauty of the truth. the real truth, not the facade that is most often seen and not pretty at all. pray that they’re hearts are open and that they could truly see. becuase on my journey here learning all i need to know to do what God wants me to do, there are many people going right along with me, and we’re together because God put us together and He wants us all to be touched by Him, and others will be touched by it coming out of His children. i know thats why He’s placed me with them…. now its just… seeing Him do His work, but i must be that empty vessel for Him to use, and i want to be empty so i can be totally filled with Him, just like this summer. the whole world is just like camp… we need to be the same… have the same mentality… why it always seems to be different, i don’t know, but its really all the same…. being a family… and inviting everyone else in and loving them the same. that should be life…. and theres no reason for it not to be